Am I Too Big for Love?
July 25, 2010 // Posted by: Naja B. // Category: blogTo My Loyal Readers (hi MOM lol) — Sorry about the lack of posts. I have had a lot going on in my life, both good and bad. Now back to business…
You may have seen Dr. Gilda Carle on various talk shows over the years. She has also written numerous books on relationships and answers questions on the MSN.com Love and Relationship channel. I came across an interesting question sent in by one of her readers.
Dear Dr. Gilda,
I’m at a loss and I find myself losing faith in humanity. I am admittedly overweight — not morbidly obese, just overweight. People constantly tell me, “You have such a pretty face” and “If you’d just lose some weight…,” or things on the other end of the spectrum, like “If he can’t look past your physical appearance, he’s really not the kind of guy you want” and “You have such a great personality, don’t worry — you’ll find someone.” The problem is that I hate knowing that my weight is the only thing keeping me from finding love.
People quickly make assumptions about your lifestyle simply by your pants size and are even more quick to offer advice on how to “improve” yourself. I’m a good person with a lot of love to give. It took me a long time to really find myself and stop basing my self-worth on how many looks I got from men. I’m working on my weight for health reasons. My question is this: If I’m so open to finding someone and loving all of him, including his imperfections, do I really have to accept that I’m simply unlovable until I’m thin? Thank you, Dr. Gilda!
— Weighty in My Worth
I feel really bad for this woman and I agree 100% with Dr. Carle’s advice. This woman clearly has not stopped letting the world dictate her self worth. My whole life I have been getting the “you would be gorgeous if you lost weight” crap from ignorant peeps, including family members, but I have refused to accept it. I was at a nightclub once and a guy approached me with that line. I shocked him when I said that he must have self esteem issues. He asked why I felt that way and I answered “we are in a nightclub jam packed with the slim and beautiful women you want, yet you approach me, who you feel only posseses the potential to be what you are seeking. Yoy are clearly afraid to aim higher dude.” I then walked away. I have ZERO tolerance for people who try to make you conform to their standards. Don’t try to project your issues on me. Either you want me or you don’t–plain and simple. If you truly love and accept yourself it really IS that simple. If you don’t then you are not yet ready for love.
HEART2HEART
Tags: confidence, love, relationships
